In celebration of St Patrick's Day and all things Irish, I'll concentrate on redheads...
(Yes, I know not all Irish women are redheads, but this is a good place to showcase them)
(and I have my usual caveat--I don't vouch for the true hair color of any of these--smile)
Murphy calls to see his old pal, Paddy, who has a broken leg. Paddy says: "Me feet are fooking freezing mate. Could you nip upstairs and get me slippers." "No bother", he says, and he runs upstairs, and there are Paddy's two stunning 19 year old twin daughters, who are sitting naked on their beds. "Hello, dere girls. Your Da sent me up here to shag ya both, he did." "Fook off ya liar!" "I'll prove it," says Murphy. So he shouts down the stairs: "You did say both of them didn't you, Paddy?" "Of course I did. What's the use of only fooking one!"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Q6iN_Lwq2U -- Irish humor (humour?) -- I think you must be Irish to understand them
A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his priest, “I almost had an affair with another woman.” The priest said, “What do you mean, almost?” The Irishman said, “Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped.” The priest said, “Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You’re not to see that woman again. For your penance, say five Hail Marys and put £50 in the poor box.” The Irishman left the confessional, said his prayers and then walked over to the poor box. He paused for a moment and then started to leave. The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, “I saw that you didn’t put any money in the poor box!” The Irishman replied, “Yeah, but I rubbed the £50 on the box and, according to you, that’s the same as putting it in!”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rvAMLxQQ9rU -- St Patricks parade
An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman are having their lunch on at work. The Englishman opens his lunchbox and sees a ham sandwich. He says, “For God’s sake, I’m sick of ham sandwiches. If my wife gives me a ham sandwich one more time I’m gonna jump off the top of this building.” The Irishman opens his lunchbox and and sees a turkey sandwich. “I’m sick of turkey sandwiches, if I’ve to eat one more I’m going to jump from the roof of this building as well.” When The Scotsman opens his lunchbox he sees a chicken sandwich and decides that if he gets another chicken sandwich he too will jump from the roof of the building.
The next day the three men open their lunchboxes, and seeing the same type of sandwiches as every other day, they all go up to the roof of the building and jump to their deaths.
At the funeral, the three wives are suffering from a mixture of grief and confusion. The Englishman’s wife says how if only her husband had told her his problem, she would gladly have changed his lunch. The Scotsman’s wife also claims that she would have been willing to fill her husband’s sandwiches with something else if he had asked. Finally, Irishman’s wife speaks up, “I really don’t understand why my husband killed himself, he made his own lunch everyday.”
A sexy Irish blonde was at a Casino, she seemed a little intoxicated. She bet 20,000 Euro on a single roll of the dice. She said-I hope you don't mind, but I feel luckier when I'm nude. With that, she removed her clothes, rolled the dice and yelled "Come on baby, Mama needs new clothes!" As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and yelled "Yes, Yes, I Won.. I Won.." She hugged each dealer and picked up her winnings and clothes and left.
The dealers gazed at each other, dumbfounded. Finally,one of them asked "What number did she roll on the dice?" The other answered, "I don't know, I thought you were watching."
Moral of the story..
1.Not All Irish are Drunk.
2.Not all Blondes are dumb,
3.But all Men are Men...!
In the US, St Patrick's Day conjers up images of green beer -- but that seems to be an American invention, not Irish.
According to the Daily Meal
"The earliest references to green beer have nothing to do with St. Patrick's Day or the color green. Instead, the term was used to reference beer that was not sufficiently aged.
Actual green beer? That seems to have appeared a little later, with many claiming that it got its start in Boston or New York. A newspaper article from 1914 describes a New York social club serving green beer at a celebratory St. Patrick's Day dinner. In it, the invention is attributed to one Dr. Curtin, a coroner's physician who achieved the effect by putting a drop of "wash blue" dye in a certain quantity of beer. As for the link between the color green and Ireland, most chalk it up the lush landscape that earned the country's nickname, 'The Emerald Isle.'"
And, according to http://www.tampabay.com/features/food/cooking/deconstructing-the-history-of-green-beer/1080073
"A custom called "drowning the shamrock" may be the forerunner to green beer. After parades and other special events, men would go to local pubs, drop a shamrock into their whiskey and drink it down, including the good luck leaf. Legend has it that St. Patrick used the shamrock's three leaves to explain the Christian trinity to King Laoghaire.
To me, a good Irish beer (for me cold, not "basement temperature" as in Irish pubs) or a Irish whiskey is the proper libation for St Patrick's Day (Note -- you can drink many other good Irish beers beside Guinness -- it's just the most available)
If I must drink green beer, I would personnally much prefer a Guinness with green foam like the one on the right as opposed to the green-colored pale beer to the left.
Two men are sitting next to each other in an Irish-style pub in New York City and both order pints of Guinness. One of them turns to the other and asks, “So where are you from?” “I’m from Ireland.” “Me too! I’ll drink to that.” They both finish their pints and order two more. “Where in Ireland are you from?” “Dublin.” “Me too! I’ll drink to that.” They both finish their pints and order two more. “Where in Dublin are you from?” “The East Side.” “The East Side? Me too! What a coincidence! I’ll drink to that!” They both finish their pints and order two more. “Where on the East Side are you from?” “McDonagh Street.” “Me too! This is incredible! I’ll drink to that.” As the bartender pours them another two pints, another customer at the bar says to him, “That’s amazing! I can’t believe they’re from the same street in Dublin. What’s going on?” “Oh, it’s nothing amazing,” says the bartender.”It’s just the Ferguson twins getting sloshed again.”
(Note: I throw those in there just to keep you awake -- and remember, be careful out there)
A bear goes into a bar. He sits down and immediately mauls to death and devours the woman on the stool next to him. he then calmly orders a beer. The bartender: “Sorry, we don’t serve drug users in here.” The bear says: “But I don’t do drugs” The bartender:replys “What about that barbitchyouate”
A rather confident Irishman walks into a pub and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance, then casually looks at his watch for a moment. The woman notices this and asks, “Is your date running late?” “No”, he replies, “I’ve just been given this state-of-the-art watch and I was just testing it.” The intrigued woman says, “A state-of-the-art watch? What’s so special about it?” “It uses alpha waves to telepathically talk to me”, he explains. “What’s it telling you now?” “Well, it says you’re not wearing any knickers…” The woman giggles and replies, “Well it must be broken because I am wearing knickers!” The Irishman tut tuts, taps his watch and says, “Damn thing must be an hour fast.
Twas a cold and rainy Saturday night in Dublin. Sean and Maureen, 20 years old each, and platonic friends, were undergraduate students at nearby Trinity College. They shared a wee tiny flat just off of High Street. Now, this evening, both Sean and the lovely Maureen, very much fancied a a pint or two down at the pub; alas, between them, they could only raise the staggering sum of 50 pence. Ah, the life of a starvin student. Saints preserve them. Sean said, "Hang on, I have an idea!". He went next door to Murphy's butcher shop and came back to the flat with one very large sausage.
Maureen cast one glance at the sausage and said, "Would ya be crazy then, Sean? Now we don't have any money left at all! Mary Jesus and Joseph, Sean!". Sean replied, "Not to worry, Maureen me pal ---just follow me". And off Sean and Maureen went to O'Hara's Pub. Inside, Sean ordered two pints of Guinness and two glasses of Jamieson Whiskey. Maureen took one look at the drinks on the table and said, "Now you've truly lost it! Do you know how much trouble we will be in? We haven't any money, Sean!" Sean replied, with a smirk, "Don't worry me dear, I have a plan. Cheers!". They both downed their drinks faster than the congregation fleeing one of father Flaherty's boring sermons down at St. Joseph's. Sean said, "Alright then, I'll just stick this sausage through me zipper, and you go on your knees and put it in your mouth". Feeling no pain, Maureen agreed to do so, and did just that. Said and done, Gerard, the bartender, noticed them, went beserk (An Irish temper the likes of which you've never seen!) and threw them out onto High Street, bag and baggage. Sean and Maureen continued this routine, pub after pub, getting more and more drunk, and all for free! At the tenth pub, Maureen said, "Sean darlin, I really don't think I can do any more o' this. I'm stone drunk and me knees are killin me!". Sean replied, "And how do you think I feel, Maureen? I lost the sausage in the third pub".
That's enough St Patrick's Day for me now -- see you next time